melolou via Flickr

melolou via Flickr

As a parent, I am trying to enjoy my kids while they are young. I am trying to NOT think about them having to deal with sex questions or sex itself.

But knowing how fast time goes, and having treated young girls and guys as young as 12 for sex related infections and pregnancies, I have to start prepping myself, my husband and my children for this topic.

As with most things, communication and honesty are key, but these days, parents and adult guardians have to be aware that our youth generation has unprecedented exposure and access to sex information and topics.

A recent survey found that at the prime time of 7-8 pm TV programming slot there were over 8 obscene and sexual innuendos per hour in the so-called family friendly shows.

Even animated shows targeted for the Youth 7-9 year olds has very explicit and exaggerated body parts depicted and violent acts- most attractive to boys.

At the risk of sounding prude, as I know every generation deals with their own overt cultural changes, I want our members to be aware that this current generation of teens and youth also can call themselves “virgins” as long as they are not having sexual intercourse with their steady boyfriend or girlfriend.

Never mind that they might have someone on the side that they do “practice” sex acts with whom they would NOT date. There are various slang terms for this person, the most interesting of which is “homie lover friend” -AKA- usually an older “friend” who they practice sex with, but who they do not consider their steady boyfriend or girlfriend to bring home to the family.

Thus, in this social schizophrenic distinction, some young people are still calling themselves virgins, deluding themselves into a false sense of security and health and also not dealing with their own moral or family standards.

So you can imagine how hard trying to teach safe sex and helping your children prevent unwanted pregnancies could be when they truly feel they are virgins and will not fess up to the “sex practice” they are engaging in on the side.

Make sure you are communicating well with your teens and that you are aware of all the possibilities and games they can engage in to avoid labels, pressure and trouble.

Hopefully, there won’t be a “homey lover friend” in your kids’ or my kids’ lives but realize that they are out there.

About the author

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Dr. Carol

Dr. Carol- doctor, wife, mom and maker PB&J!
One of my passions is to help people Embrace change, Try new things and be BOLD for a healthier and balanced life!


  • That is so interesting and totally crazy! This idea of kids being delusional is starting in the home where parents deny they are alcoholics and drink all night. Or where parents lie and act like they don’t. Or where parents act one way and lecture/preach another. There seems to be a view that “what I tell myself is true” rather than our actions. Sounds really risky especially around sex since they ARE having sex and the STIs or pregnancies will speak louder than the stories they tell themselves 🙁 Thanks for bringing this to our attention. Also I know that there is a lot of backwards thinking – like to have sex while drunk FIRST in order to decide whether the person is WORTH having a relationship with. Vs. the traditional courtship model. Feels confusing for me.

    Have you seen this?

    It speaks to the idea of talking about sex and relationships and love in Kindergarten.

    My kids talk openly about their questions and they are 11 and 12. I think that we have to start early because if we wait too long, they aren’t interested in what we have to say and are learning from their peers.


    • You are so right on the money Deb. I agree with the need to have “the birds & the bees” talk early so we parents shape the narrative rather than have our kids take their hapless peer’s word for it.

  • Dr. Phil had a very similar show. The girls had had sex, but were still considering themselves virgins and the parents were completely in the dark. Times have certainly changed. Sex conversations need to be earlier and earlier.

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