Partner abuse

Image credits by Zorah Olivia via Flickr

You’ve made excuses over time but you can no longer deny the fact that you are in an abusive relationship. You are grappling with what to do after this acknowledgement to yourself.

Looking outside in, it’s easy for the rest of us to say pack up and leave but the fact is that those decisions are a lot more complex and difficult to arrive to.

There are the pragmatic concerns of “How would I be able to cope on my own financially if I leave?” and “the kids need their father”.

Then there is the “what would people think of me” fears and “how do I explain it to my kids, my parents and my friends”.

There is also an abundance of self loathing and guilt going through your mind. “If only I didn’t anger him so much?”, “why do I seem to only attract people who hurt me and take advantage of me?”

There is no blueprint for tackling abusive relationships. If your life or the life of your child is endangered, you should seek safety, which could translate to leaving the relationship. The financial support is of no use to you if you are six feet under.

If you however have a contrite partner who is sincere and willing to seek professional help him manage his rage, maybe the relationship is worth salvaging.

Just know that you are no one’s punching bag.

Dr. Bola

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21 Comments

  • So sad, this happens all too often to so many woman. It breaks down their confidence, and they don’t have the self esteem to walk away because they feel they deserve it. (Speaking from experience)

    • Really sad Genine.

      Economic/financial power is so important for women, as I see women put up with abusive partners because of financial dependence on the partner.

  • Make sure if you are going through counseling to still get away from the situation until it is cleared by a psychologist that it is safe to return to your spouse.

  • It is so hard for women to leave abusive relationships, and the majority of women who are killed by their partner are killed after they leave. I hope that all women are able to find a safe way to leave. It can take a long time to find a way out, but it is possible.

    • You brought up a troubling yet valid point- women get killed after leaving an abusive relationship.

      We tell them to leave so as not to get killed but leaving does not eliminate the dangers either.

      Perplexing!

  • It breaks my heart to know there are people in abusive relationships.The photo in your post is so powerful.

  • Just the thought of someone in an abusive relationship makes me so sad! I hope and pray those in an abusive relationship can seek the help they need and gain courage and strenght!

  • So many women deal with escaping an abusive relationship. People very rarely talk about the men that are in abusive relationship the odd thing is I don’t know any women that are abused but I do know a couple of men that are abused by their wives. It all becomes one vicious cycle especially once children are involved.

    • Men abused by their wives? Incredulous!

      Kidding. Partner abuse does happen to both genders. Men are more likely the abusers though.

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